Outrageous Guarantees [Copywriting Know How]

Outrageous Guarantees [Copywriting Know How]

Welcome to the Science of Copywriting. Today it’s Outrageous Guarantee Day.

If you’ve seen any outrageous guarantees, comment below. We’re not doing this to shame people, it’s more of a Zen awakening thing (the more we know, the more we know – good and bad).

Take a look at this example (which appeared in my inbox last week):

=====START=====
Your 1,000% Gains Performance Guarantee
As part of this special offer, we’re giving you a 1,000% gains performance guarantee. If [Mr X’s] model portfolio doesn’t give you the chance at gains of 1,000% over the next 12 months, then [Mr X] will work for free for another year. Simply contact us and you’ll get an extra year of membership for no cost whatsoever.
=====END=====

Mr X won’t be working for free for another year because Mr X has a team of people doing the work for him. And besides, as this is a subscription, the “work” is done once and sold multiple times (it doesn’t take many subscribers to pay for the work).

But that’s not the point. The pricing of this product is such that even if everyone “claims” their extra year free, it was already built into the original subscription cost (which, by the way, was $2500 – and that’s with a 50% first year “discount” already applied).

The same ad has a “90 Day Customer Satisfaction Guarantee”. Does that mean you have 90 days to get your money back? Nope. Instead you have 90 days to complain, and if you do, then you’ll get a CREDIT from the company that you can “spend” on another of its products instead. Awesome. Whatever you do, they keep the money.

Does this work? It depends. First, we’ll never know unless we try it ourselves. Second, it’s being pushed by affiliates as a kind of ‘deal of the century’ thing, so they’re betting on it working. But third, maybe it will work better than no guarantee at all?

Either way, this is another example of a launch formula with the usual countdown clock, and an army of affiliates to promote it. Which means, next week, we could see a completely different offer for the same thing from the same people.

PS. I once took up an offer from one of the promoters of this deal. The offer was a REAL guarantee. In short, if the product didn’t work as described in a year, you got all your money back.

It didn’t work (for me) and I claimed (and got) all my money back ($1000). Now that’s a guarantee worth shouting about. But it’s been done many times before. The idea is that people forget it’s a year long guarantee and forget to claim.

The internet marketing industry is rife with these types of guarantees. They can afford to do it because almost everything being sold is (more or less) worthless.

PPS. The moral of this story is it’s easy to make money with outrageous claims (just watch out for the feds – or whatever the authorities are called in your country).

PPPS. You can read more about this over here in part 1 of the Crypto Funnel.

About the Author Quentin Pain

I've spent my working life starting and running a whole variety of businesses, from my first QPL Express Couriers where I travelled over 100,000 miles every year delivering packages on a motorcycle (along with a whole bunch of colleagues) to Accountz.com which made a major in-road in the UK, to ProofMEDIA my current business that focuses on Copywriting and the International Copywriters Association, which showcases copywriting and copywriters to the world.

follow me on:
>